Why does God put you through bible studies and sermons about the subject you are dealing with all the time? For the past couple of weeks everything that I was feeling or dealing with I went to a bible study or listened to a sermon or read about it in a quiet time scripture that a friend told me to read.... Its odd how he knows about what's inside my brain... Anyway... Today was my step dads b-day and well I forgot to get someone to cover for me at church for my class so my mom got mad at me BC I went to church to teach.... wanna know what I had planned to teach? Peace! Go figure

Lord,

Please give me more peace so that I can live my life to follow you better.

Amen

Ok so I thought that maybe I knew the answer of choices but I talked to my pastor today and I got even more confused, hehe, I have figured it out though: this is a situation where I wont know the answer yet till god allows me to see it, so for now I will just hang out following god and think about choices every now and again.

Have a good talk with jerry about rev 3 18 and he asked what is said so I rattled it off and he comes out with, who wrote it... So I spent the next 20 min reading the bible and trying to figure it out, I did... Jesus was dictating to John the story.

Today's bible quiet time was Isaiah 52:13-15... It was good.

Had an interesting conversation with an ex boyfriend, seems I blew him away with my turning to god, I guess that is good. Well I'm off to bed, night everyone

Lord,
Please be with josh and my other friends that need your guidance tonight, I hurt my friend josh with some news and I want to ask for you to lift him up lord and be with him as he deals with it. Lord please allow some peace to reach his heart. Lord be with some other friends as they go through family problems too god, take them in your arms and hold them lord.

Amen

Where are we going to end up? That is a question I struggle with everyday. I think to myself, how does god know where we are going to end up if we have our own choices?

Well I think I like this blog thing a lot more, but let this be a warning: I am going to be laying out all my feelings so if you think I might write about you then please don't read, I wont put names without telling you so you don't have to worry.

So I get a phone call today, its my friend from church, she starts off with, "have you done ur quiet time yet?" Who have you been hanging out with this weekend?"

I was like bah! I haven't done my quiet time and I was with some good and bad influencing people this weekend..... So after a long hard conversation we have concluded that we need accountability partners and she was going to be mine whether I liked it or not, (see why I like this blog thing now) I told her about the whole "do we really have a choice?" thing and we came to the realization that yes, God does know our beginning and end and where we are going to end up.

my theory was : if god knows our beginning and end then how do we have free choice? I mean, if he knew where we would end up then he must know our choices to get there right? WRONG boy were we wrong, I know see that yes god knows or beginning and where we are going to end up. We are going to end up back with him, the exact place where we started. The journey from the beginning to the end is up to us. Our choices and decisions are up to us and we have to make the best and wisest decision to get to the end. But if we were to mess up and make the wrong choice then we ask for forgiveness and help and we get back on the journey. The only thing that changes from our decisions is the time it takes for us to reach the end.

Isn't it amazing how one phone call can be the work of god is just an hour 30 mins and 43 seconds? And a huge confusion point be cleared? I'm so amazed and the things god has give us.

I was talking to a friend of mine on the PC and this is the conversation, my friend is FRIEND and I am ME

Friend what's going on your way?
ME just stuggling with being a role model
Friend what's going through your mind about that/.
Friend ?
ME I have all these parents come up to me and say that their kids are learning so much and looking up to me and following my walk and that I'm doing such a good job
Friend does that bother you?
ME and I think to myself, how can I be a role model if my walk isn't what I think it should be?
Friend what could you improve to make it better?
ME I need more quiet times, I need to lift things up to god, I need to be humbled, I need to be more giving
ME I need to follow without a word
ME but I cant
Friend follow w/o a word?
ME without a bad thought or comment
ME doing it willingly
Friend girl...Just you realizing that alone makes you a model
Friend do you think you can do these things?
Friend do you have a goal for them?
Friend is there anything you need me to help with
ME I don't know
Friend is that all that's really bothering you?
ME yeah, just confused about things...
Friend girl... I'm so serious when I say this, God is so going to help you with this. In the next few days, something is going to help you. I don't know exactly, but you will be conforted
Friend oops, comforted
Friend love ya girl and God is working in your life, please give him a lil time


How awesome is that, I know that I need to stop trying to be perfect and know that the things I do is the best that I can and that god is here to help, so now I need to read john 3 30 and Romans 1 12 for my quiet time.

Lord,

Thank you for showing me your ways tonight in all the great ways, also lord, help some of the people that are going through rough family times heal quickly and help the other people grow stronger in you. Help me to stay focused and lean to you and not worry as much. Lord thank you,

Amen

I'm a little bummed out, I just read a few friends blogs about the girls retreat that went on yesterday and today, and I kinda wish I could have gone, I read their stories and feel a kinda lost sort of feeling, I guess I just wanted a boost too, my walk hasn't been such an awesome thing lately, been focusing on other relationships more over the one I should be focusing on. I really want someone that is in my life to guide me in that department, I feel like there really isn't anyone that I can look up to and follow, which is kinda hard for me BC I need an accountability partner, someone who will be like, "so have you done your quiet time? Or are you slipping up with who you hang out with?" I guess I want someone who is really interested in the things I do.

went to see a concert tonight at southeast church of Christ, it was an awesome concert, they were awesome, went with the greathouse boys and wound up sitting with the kids I teach on Wednesday night, it was good.

mind games suck, one of my guy friends likes me I think, he grabs my hand and hold it, or he hugs me for a longer period of time than usual... But when I asked him if he liked anyone his reply was not right now, so what is up with that? I don't know, ill leave that one up with god to deal with, I don't do mind games, ill let god figure that on out...

well lots of homework still left to do so when I have time to write again ill write, talk to yall later

Lord,

Please give me the strength to keep my head straight and not to bite anyone's head off this week BC of the stress I'm under.

Amen

Well today was pretty boring, I made up my hours at work today so that meant I was up there at 8am then had class from 11-12, then went to Jeana's for lunch and to watch the soaps, hehe then off to work from 4-9pm, yawn, then had a bad night of studyin... Now I'm going home, however, I did something productive with my blog today, I added an counter..... Isn't it exciting? So far I have had 20 people come to the page, (but I think half of them were me looking at my site and changing things) hehe, tomorrow we get paid! But I cant spend much money BC I have to pay for a ticket that I got in November... :( well I'm going home work is over!

Lord,
please take care of everyone that is on my heart tonight and lift them up and protect and love them like I know you can.

Amen

I have Comments now! Yea!!! Isn't it awesome? If you read this please give me a comment on anything! I'm excited, a friend of mine who reads this ( I didn't think he did!) sent me an email to tell me how to add comments and I did it! I'm at work and then I have to go to church tonight and do my lesson, I have no idea what I want to teach them tonight! I think ill just open my bible and pick a page and read up and see where God wants to take me tonight.... I think things are getting better between a friend and myself, lots of things that we need to talk about but right now I know I just need to be there for my friend because my friend is going through something major and doesn't need to go through it alone. So I'm gonna be there for my friend to lean on, hope my friend takes me up on it...

Last night at bible study we talked about the fruit of patients.. Psalm 103 talks about how to be patient... I think I might need to be a little more patient with people and not get onto them as much, especially with my little brother, isn't it weird how we can bump into strangers and be the nicest of people but when we are at home we are very rude to the people we live with? I think my challenge to myself this week is to be more patient and kind to my family that I live with and friends I'm close to.

Lord,
I ask that you bestow me with some extra patients tonight with my kids and to have an awesome night to learn about you. I ask that you lift my friend up and my friends family lord into your arms and help them feel secure in their time of need. Also will you shower my church family with love and happiness that I feel for them because they have helped me out in so many ways...

Amen

How do you stick with something that frustrates you? I am going through something that is so crazy and mixed up and I don't see a way out unless I give up and I have a strong feeling that isn't what I'm supposed to do... I don't know I think ill read up on it tonight in the bible and see what I need to do, I was told that maybe it would be best to step away, but so many other people have just given up, I don't know, too bad I don't have the comment page that some other people have, it would be nice to have that... Right about now....

another note, I left my phone at my dads.... I went over there tonight around 8, to visit and get some money so that I can have gas for this week.. I've probably missed a million calls already... I left my phone in my truck one night and I got it in the morning and I have 12 missed calls... I was like, man.... hehehe ill have to get my phone tomorrow afternoon after work... Should be around 5, then ill be off to a bible study... Maybe, if I don't have too much homework... Well I'm done, just had to put this last entry in so that I can get some mail from the people who read it (hopefully you know my email address if not you know my screen name) well good night

I went to the mall with some friends and then we went to old navy and I got some flip flops, I know what you are Thinking, flip flops in Jan? But its ok it will be hot in a week or 2... LOL... Then we girls went to double Dave's pizza and got a pizza... This guy was sitting next to us and we were all playing with our cell phones and next thing we know he was sliding his cell phone toward us... We were like uhhh ok.... And he had taken pictures of us! He had those stupid camera phones... grrr.... He had taken a picture of one of the girls and had her head decorated with hearts.. We were like yeah... What time is it again, oh its late we have to go... And left trying hard not to laugh but I don't think we succeeded... hahahahahahaha well now I have to get busy with homework and everything this semester will be a lot of reading...

Lord,

I thank you for a wonderful day where I could hang out with some of the girls... Thank you for the laughs and adventures today... Help me to focus this week on my homework and try not to let all the distractions get in the way.

Amen

SO Caseys was mad at me, again, when is she not mad at me? (yes I know you are probably reading this Casey) and I think her soon to be husband is mad at me too, but u know that guy I was supposed to meet? Well I called Daniel and he never called back for directions, and seeing how I was in south Houston, Pasadena area I called an old friend and visited him and his family for a while so I could wait on their call... It never came...

then tonight about 11 the guy calls me and was like "did u call me?" I told him I was gonna come see him today but Daniel didn't give me directions. It turns out that Casey, Daniel, and him went to see their parents that live like 3 hrs away I think... Oh well no biggie, maybe another time...

it was fun remembering old times and memories with my friend Adrian, man I miss him... He was my Best guy friend and I love him and his mom and dad...

then I went to church, and then went and hung out with jeana and some other friends of hers... It was a fun night and I text with Brock for a little bit BC my truck was still at the church and he didn't know what was up.. It was cool joking with him for a bit (maybe 5 min) I need to form a better relationship with him soon, we aren't as close as when I first started.... I dunno.. Maybe its just me...

ok well I'm off to bed, had to do the mail and write U...

Lord,

Thank you for coach and his lesson today on passion, I ask that you just fill my heart with passion to do everything for you God, I want to live and breathe for you and I need your help to do that, I ask that you instill the mindframe for me so that I may always be thinking of you... Thank you lord,

Amen


Im posting this at an earlier time its really 2:22 am jan 19

Why do some people hang up the phone on you when they are mad? I don't understand it... Guess ill have to ask god about that one... Tomorrow is another busy day just like today was... I have church in the am, then I'm going to lunch in clear lake, then I guess its sorta a blind date thing, but not really a date I'm just meeting someone new, kinda nervous... But who knows... I've talked to him a few times and some of my friends that want me to meet him say its cool, so who knows I guess ill write about that later...

I got this email today it was awesome, it sent chills down my arms...

A basketball in my hands is worth about $19.
A basketball in Michael Jordan's hands is worth about $33 million.
It depends whose hands it's in.

A baseball in my hands is worth about $6.
A baseball in Mark McGwire's hands is worth $19 million.
It depends whose hands it's in.

A tennis racket is useless in my hands.
A tennis racket in Venue Williams' hands is a Championship Winning.
It depends whose hands it's in.

A rod in my hands will keep away a wild animal.
A rod in Moses' hands will part the mighty sea.
It depends whose hands it's in.

A sling shot in my hands is a kid's toy
A sling shot in David's hand is a mighty weapon.
It depends whose hands it's in.

Two fish and 5 loaves of bread in my hands is a couple of fish sandwiches.
Two fish and 5 loaves of bread in God's hands will feed thousands.
It depends whose hands it's in.

Nails in my hands might produce a birdhouse
Nails in Jesus Christ's hands will produce salvation for the entire world.
It depends whose hands it's in.

As you see now it depends whose hands it's in.
So put your concerns, your worries, your fears, your hopes, your dreams, your families and your
relationships in God's hands because...

It depends whose hands it's in.


Isn't it amazing?

Lord,

I ask that you take the concerns and worries in my heart and give me the path to fix and relieve the worries and concerns... Thank you for my schedule this semester and thank you for the rain not even getting my seat wet this past few days! That is truly a miracle! Thank you again

Amen

im posting this early too the time is really 1:42am on jan 18

Well, I have been sick with a stomach virus the past few days... Bah... I hate being sick, it made me miss my 1st class of the day, bah.... I went to my 2nd class today though, felt sick through most of it but I stayed through it... Then had to go to the book store and buy 5 books... 5 books can u believe it? I think I've spent more than my tuition on books, bah! Anyway...


Lord,

First things first, please heal Mr. Talent as soon as you can, I pray that his family is doing well and that everything goes well as the doctors put the stint in him. Please restore my strength so that I can go to work tomorrow. Lord, I thank you for the time you have given me at home so that I was able to get some assignments done BC I was sick. You made it to where I wasn't running the streets and I thank you for that. I thank you for the health of my family and I pray that my virus doesn't pass to them this week.

Amen

How is that some people can get to you in a way that is so frustrating and that person knows that she's getting to you but acts as if nothing is wrong? Its frustrating.... But I guess that's life, I talked to my 2nd mom today and that was good, I have never really had someone that was truly interested in my life and wants to take an active part in it, until now.. Mrs greathouse is awesome! She wrote me a nice note and it lifted my spirits.. I'm at work tonight so its making me miss bible study tonight but I might be able to go to it late tonight... If not its ok, jerry and I were talking about it and I was complaining and he was like "Wendy called and said I don't have to work the rest of the day, he made me realize that its ok that I'm working so late as long as I'm working period.... " that's always nice to realize how wrong u are and to be put into place, I'm here with jeana... Its boring but hey I'm getting paid and getting to write to you.... Its all good, well I need to go I have to make some ID's and finish up...

Lord,
Today is simple, please give me the strength to work with people that are frustrating today.

Amen

Ever think that no one would miss you if you were gone? I did this weekend, I was very busy this weekend....

1) My cousin is getting married and my date back out on me, GRRRRRRR so mad about that, the wedding is on the 31st of January! And I have NO idea who to bring now... Bah!
2) There the couple a wedding shower on Friday, had to play perfect hostess... Trimmings included getting up at 6 (after going to a bible study the night b4 and coming home late) decorating, and cooking and fixin food... That was fun actually...
3) For those of you that don't know I'm an actress and a Writer for a small production company and I also do the technical things too... We are working on a sitcom at the moment, and will be doing a movie this summer, well Saturday and Sunday we were filming during the day and then Saturday night I worked with the producer and wrote out a few scripts with her... But call time on Sunday was bright and early... And I missed church.... I didn't like that but we don't shoot and meet everyday like normal people, so I had to make due...

I'm going to be on TV tonight, the Houston Media Source is airing an episode that I play an assistant makeup artist...

But anyway that's the gifts of my weekend, and you know what? My phone did not ring AT ALL, kinda made me feel as if nobody cared... But I know that other people were just busy too.... Anyway.... I'm done, complaining....

I'm up this morning so that I can get my brother off to school, the viruses are flying high over here, think I might stay away from the house for a few day like I did this weekend, mom, bill, and racheal are sick with some viruses that makes them not hold anything down... And other things but I just got home to have my mom give me the update... Yuck, school starts Thursday and I'll probably be sick... Nice huh?

I need to go get my books today exciting huh? I'll need a history and Gov book along with my internet course book and my music book... Well I guess I'll talk to yall later...


Lord,

I ask that you put me out there in the church more emotionally. I need your strength and determination that your gave your son while he was on earth, God I need the knowledge and strength to Look up to you when I'm feeling down, Lord, I'm amazed and often envious of the other people that have made you the center and more, Lord I want to get that.... Also, Please lift up some of the people from church lord, you know who they are, and I ask that you lift the spirits of my fellow reader and Stingy... She needs you lord, and I don't want to see her like I did.

Amen

I saw this at a friends blog, and I took it, I guess it turned out the way its supposed to, I love attention it says.. Do I? hmmm...

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Moderate
Schizoid:	Low
Schizotypal:	Moderate
Antisocial:	Moderate
Borderline:	Low
Histrionic:	Very High
Narcissistic:	Moderate
Avoidant:	Moderate
Dependent:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Moderate
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

Things are going well I guess, throats a little scratchy... But ill live, last night at bible study girls small group we talked about faithfulness... What do we think of when we talk about faithfulness or even when we hear the word faith? I think of the girl at columbine (is that how u spell it?) and when asked if she believed in god got shot for saying yes, I think to myself, man would I be able to do that if I were her? I think I might but then again I cant say BC I'm not there yet, well I finished work for this morning, I have to come back here at 1, yea! Its very boring here but today I just read my bible trying to find a good passage to read for tonight's class so that I can teach my little ones what god wants me to teach... Have no clue what I want to do though... Bah!

Lord,

Be my guide and deliver your knowledge and wisdom to me when I many need it. Please allow me to use you to lean on so that I can become strong and have a faithfulness that others want to learn from.

Amen

Yawn:: I'm sleepy and cold... I woke up feeling light headed today, I hope I'm not getting sick or something, yuck! Came to work I was supposed to get off at 10 but I'm still here... Hmm oh well more hours for me! More hours = more money!

isn't it amazing how god works? This lady ( to be honest I don't remember what her name is) came into the library just now, and I remember her from the GED classes, she finished them and got her certificate of graduation and is fixing to take another test and then she will be ready for actual college classes, and her faith was off the wall, I was very rejuvenated just by talking with her, she told me how her prayer life was going great BC she was praying that god would help her through the struggles of going back to school ( she was out of school for about 25 years) and testing and the other things that accompany school.... She was just praising God about the gifts he's given her and she made me look at my faith and reevaluate myself and my relationship with God. It is amazing how he puts people in your life to give you an extra boost of confindence and to also show you what you are doing wrong and how you can fix things. I see now my attitude about events in my life and my attitude about people that are in my life has gone down hill. But I see that it wasn't them it was me and I can get over the silly arguments and misconceptions I had and truly see what I need to see and I thank god for showing me today.. Isn't he awesome?

Lord,

Thank you fro pushing me to my limits so that I would see what you were showing me today. You are truly an amazing God and I'm sorry that I take you and your awesomeness for granted. God please forgive me for my thoughts and transgressions, and open my eyes to see more of you in the people and events that surround me. I ask this in your name,

Amen

Stayed up late last night reading, now I have a huge headache that wont go away... Church was nice, but my mind wasn't all there today...Kept thinking about other things... I know that I'm supposed to put my whole heart into god and follow him around without a question but, there are times that I feel like he's not there, yes I know he is and he is always there and that he only gives me tough times to build me up, but I guess its hard, I know life aint easy and that I can have a free ride on everything but I kinda just want someone to notice me too... And offer to help with something but I don't really know what I need help with.... Fustrating huh?
I want to get into the bible more and I want a hunger for it like I had earlier in the year, I want the feeling that I'm not complete and happy with myself for the day unless I have my quiet time (what exactly is a quiet time and how am I supposed to go about it?) but I cant ask that question, I think my pride has gotten the best of me. At church I feel as if I'm invisible and nobody would notice if I was there or not... But I know that isn't true either BC there are a few people that have told me that they were glad I was there... Guess I'm going to have a pity party for one tonight... LOL no I think I'm gonna open my bible to a page and read.... Just read... Someone once told me that is one of the best things to do to reach someone, to read... I'll read tonight when I get home from dinner.. Mom, bill, racheal, Jr and I are going to go to be older brother, peter and his wife Amanda and my nephew Jordan for dinner, should be interesting...

I get the internet tomorrow.. yippie... That way I can do everything without hearing my mom lecture about me using her computer...

Lord,

I ask that you tug at my heart this week and open my eyes to change, Lord I need some tweaking in my relationship with you and only you and I can fix it, I ask that you speak to me today in anything I do and that I see you and that people see you in me tonight. I ask this in your name,

Amen

Today has been a lazy day for me, I saw "something's got to give" last night with stingy, becko, and mandy... These JH (junior high) kids were sitting in front of us and would not keep their mouths closed! Bah! Then I had to get gas.. And I was in this yucky part of the neighborhood and all these guys were staring at me, so I pretended to be on my cell phone talking to a guy... How dorky am I huh? I was scared to be there...

for new years resolution I have decided to go on a diet, I know everyone says I don't need one, but this diet is just going to be working out and eating more healthy... Guess no more sonic trips.... Boo:( well I have to go I need to work on my truck, I have to wash and vacuum it out...

coy, stingy, becko and mandy are coming over to watch a movie at my house on my new DVD player, Mrs greathouse gave me 12 dollars to get the RF modulator....

a few more days and ill have the internet on my laptop at home! yippie, then I can chat, and blog to all of you on a daily basis...

Lord,

I ask that we have an awesome fellowship tonight and that everything goes well.. You are an awesome god and I thank you everyday for the blessings you have given me... Lord, thank you for my mom, I think she might make super mom look bad... She is always quick to put others first, God, I ask that you open my heart so that I may learn how she can always put other people first... Lord, I ask that you watch over the troops all over the world too, I am talking to a guy that is overseas now and we are pen pals but I pray that you help him through his tough times as well as the others that are over there serving so that I may write my prayer to you lord, thank you for everything, and most of all thank you for the power of forgiveness...

Amen