unconditionally yours

In thinking about the word unconditional partnered with the word love, I have realized that although I understand the concept, I am not sure what it really looks like. I have mostly seen love as being a finite object rather than a living organism that grows with time. I love the idea of love, think of it as a feel good thing, when in reality it seems to be about sacrifice and selflessness. If it seems unequal then you would probably be right. How about willingly laying down our lives for someone else even if that means that we will pay the price for something we didn't do. How is it humanly possible to love this way? Even if there is some divine help available, I think I need a picture of what this thing looks like too. I am big into maps, so if you highlight the roads to take I can probably follow it.

I am pretty sure that I have done the opposite of unconditional love and have mostly attempted to condition people so I could love them. One of Webster's definitions of condition is to put into a better state, or in the case of hair conditioner, to make smooth and shiny. If my hair is flyaway and sticking up in a few spots, I can not and will not love it, but the "do" that is tangle free and cooperative under the blow dryer can always count on my love and affection. Can we truly love without conditions? Can we love without manipulating and controlling people into someone that we think they should be. It may even be what they were created to be, but is it our job to put the conditioner in?

I think our job is simply to love. Deeply, sincerely, and at all times. If there is changing to do, then I'm pretty sure that's covered in a different job description that we will never have the qualifications for. I think in most cases love, if done unconditionally, will go to the deepest parts of our being and bring healing. We can be so quick to pick out the negative. I just want to see and encourage the positive in people. I don't want to run the risk of destroying the good along with the bad or have them hide who they really are just to feel loved and accepted.

Love is not a privilege, it is a gift. Love is taking some hits and responding with more love. The answer is always love. You know, the patient, kind, long suffering, enduring stuff. Love never fails. Never? How can that be? I want to know this kind of love that never fails and is perfect. I want to give this kind of love to everyone that I come in contact with. I think if we live this way regularly, it will become natural and given without reservation. Nothing and no one will be able to offend us. It should not be rationed or given with regard to rank or position. I want to give it to the last so that maybe they can be first.

Credible or Incredible?

In`cred´i`ble

Not credible; surpassing belief; too extraordinary and improbable to admit of belief; unlikely; marvelous; fabulous.Why should it be thought a thing incredible with you, that God should raise the dead? - Acts xxvi. 8.

Cred´i`ble

Capable of being credited or believed; worthy of belief; entitled to confidence; trustworthy.Things are made credible either by the known condition and quality of the utterer or by the manifest likelihood of truth in themselves. - Hooker.A very diligent and observing person, and likewise very sober and credible. -Dampier

So, the question I ask is do you want to be credible or incredible? Based on the above definitions, I would have to say incredible is my first choice. Credible sounds nice and safe but incredible is where I want to reside. On the edge and sometimes over it if that's what it takes. It sounds like it will require some

BIG FAITH

and the possibility of losing any credibility you or I might already have, BUT

BIG RISKS = BIG RETURNS

I love to believe for the impossible. I like to cheer for the underdogs, the ones that are "at a disadvantage or expected to lose," because I love to see people succeed that had everything stacked against them. In sports they would be called the Cinderella team. Take the Chicago Cubs for example. I don't think I would be quite so interested in them if they were leading their division by 10+ games or had so much money like the Yankees that they could practically buy their pennants every year. I think a lot of us could also agree that we loved it when the USA hockey team beat the Soviets back in the day.

After all, does anyone really want a Credible Hulk?

Bah!

I was told today that I was an inspiration when noone else is. That is a pretty big compliment to me. What I dont understand is what these people really see when they look at me. I mean when I look in the mirror I see a girl that is treading water trying to keep her head straight and focused on the Lord. But I feel like there are weights on my ankles constantly pulling me below the surface. I am an inspiration? That cant be right, I dont feel like I know enough to be that kind of inspiration. My mind is so mixed with feelings of wanting to be this good girl who is all about God and love and peace, but at the same time I am trying to fight off satan with the thoughts telling me that i just want to scream! lol I wonder if there are two little people inside my head with swords fighting out every decision i make. Will the pure white holy one beat out the bad black dark one for the answer to the riddle? Which way will we take Danielle today? The white one says up to the father and give Him her all, the Black one says... Oh no, lets let her emotions rule her today... Which one will I go to today? Emotions rule daily but how do you sort through them to make sure that some emotions arent spread out and that the emotions you do show will bring help to those around you. Oh well, unansweres questions once more... Im going to hit the hay, ill finish another time i guess....

Where Is That Invisible Friend?

Does anyone remember having an invisible friend? I can remember back in about third or fourth grade having one. I can't remember all the details but I remember hanging out with my friend at recess. In fact a couple of us had invisible friends and at the time it seemed so real and so natural.I gotta tell you, I could really use that invisible friend right now. A person that I can talk to that would truly understand what I am thinking, feeling, or saying even when I don't really understand myself. Someone who nobody else could see me talking to, who could listen to the good and the bad and still love me anyway. Someone who could help me sort it all out without taking offense or using the abandonment card. I wish I could be a friend like that. I feel a little invisible right now so if I could just add the friend part I think I would be all set on this end.

I think the problem stems from the fact that when I get close to people, I somehow lose most of myself and end up being what they want me to be. It is not their fault, I just like to be liked and I think I have been on the people pleaser express for a long time. I have idolized people's opinions of me and have kept my own thoughts and feelings to myself and have been a chameleon in order to maintain the illusion of it all. Unfortunately my physical body was taking the hits. So as I started to express things outwardly, it took me by surprise that this may produce other problems and pain probably worse than the physical pain. The only difference is that the physical pain was recurring and hopefully if my treasured idol-a-tree is cut down, all that will remain is the stump.

I don't know if this makes any sense, but I feel really alone and nothing seems right anymore. I feel like all that I have been and done is meaningless. I feel stripped and naked and wish I knew the right clothes to put on but it is all the wrong style. It may look okay on someone else, but not for me. I want to believe that the Father, Son and Holy Ghost are my invisible friends and that they will clothe me in the garments that only the daughter of a King would wear. My Father would make sure that they were not too revealing, the Son would make sure it included bridal chamber equivalents, and the Holy Ghost would be accessorizing in precious stones. Maybe even the precious stone that the builder rejected. I always liked the diamonds in the rough, nothing too flashy on the outside, but exquisite beauty to be uncovered. I am tired of everything else, I just want to hang out with my invisible friends and maybe you and your invisible friends.