Stayed up late last night reading, now I have a huge headache that wont go away... Church was nice, but my mind wasn't all there today...Kept thinking about other things... I know that I'm supposed to put my whole heart into god and follow him around without a question but, there are times that I feel like he's not there, yes I know he is and he is always there and that he only gives me tough times to build me up, but I guess its hard, I know life aint easy and that I can have a free ride on everything but I kinda just want someone to notice me too... And offer to help with something but I don't really know what I need help with.... Fustrating huh?
I want to get into the bible more and I want a hunger for it like I had earlier in the year, I want the feeling that I'm not complete and happy with myself for the day unless I have my quiet time (what exactly is a quiet time and how am I supposed to go about it?) but I cant ask that question, I think my pride has gotten the best of me. At church I feel as if I'm invisible and nobody would notice if I was there or not... But I know that isn't true either BC there are a few people that have told me that they were glad I was there... Guess I'm going to have a pity party for one tonight... LOL no I think I'm gonna open my bible to a page and read.... Just read... Someone once told me that is one of the best things to do to reach someone, to read... I'll read tonight when I get home from dinner.. Mom, bill, racheal, Jr and I are going to go to be older brother, peter and his wife Amanda and my nephew Jordan for dinner, should be interesting...

I get the internet tomorrow.. yippie... That way I can do everything without hearing my mom lecture about me using her computer...

Lord,

I ask that you tug at my heart this week and open my eyes to change, Lord I need some tweaking in my relationship with you and only you and I can fix it, I ask that you speak to me today in anything I do and that I see you and that people see you in me tonight. I ask this in your name,

Amen