Lost findings

Have you ever lost something? You know you have seen it laying around, but can't seem to find it. You look in every drawer, under every piece of furniture, and in every cabinet. The harder you look, the more frustrated you become. You know it is right where you left it, but you can't seem to remember where that is. You know the object didn't move, but you can't find it. You say "I know it didn't just get up and walk away." You stop and try to retrace your steps, but still have no luck. Maybe if you had one of those beepy key finder things it would be easier to find. Finally when you least expect it, whatever you were looking for turns up.

Sometimes I think I need one of those beepy key finder things to find Jesus. I know He is probably right where I left Him. He didn't move or walk away, I left Him somewhere and forgot to pick Him up and take Him with me. Maybe I left Him in a drawer with my fears, under my couch filled with doubt or in my cabinet where I keep my complacency and laziness. I stop and try to figure out where and when I left Him, but that doesn't work. Hopefully, one day He will surprise me and just show up. Hopefully, while I was looking for Him under all of my "stuff" I decided to clean it out so that He will be easier to find from now on. Hopefully, I did enough cleaning that He will be out there in plain site from now on. Hopefully.

Questions?

I am at a point in my life right now where I seem to question everything. I question everything about myself, those around me and God. I don't actually verbalize these questions to anyone, but they are constantly running around in my head. I mean, I can't actually ask someone my questions about God because then that would mean that I am not as "mature" and "spiritual" as I may appear to be. My life seems to be filled with doubts and questions. There are so many things going on around me that don't make sense. Things where you have to sit back and say "God, what are you thinking?" I mean, is this all there is to life? There has to be more. There has to be so much more. I used to believe there was more. I used to have faith and hope in a future and in a God that hears me and answers my prayers. But did I?

"Lord, please reveal yourself to me again. I need a miracle in my spiritual life. I want to once again hunger and thirst after You. I long to once again hear Your still small voice and know You. Restore to me the passion that I once had for You. Lord, I don't have the faith to believe that this can even happen. Please Lord, help me to believe again."

Two Thousand Five.... Wow!

Discouragement--

What would it be like to go a whole year without being discouraged one time?

Unrealistic, huh?

I know that bad things will happen. I know that people are imperfect and will disappoint me; and i will disappoint them. I know that bad things will happen that will cause sorrow and pain. I know that I will experience loss of dreams and vision. But wouldn't it be possible to still have courage and hope in the face of bad things?I want to look on the positive side of things this year. I want to remember that when bad things have happened to me in the past, eventually they turned to good. I want to remember that when people hurt me in the past, most of the time, they never intended to hurt me. I want to remember that when people turned against me, most of them are now still my friends. I want to remember that sorrow lasts for the night, but joy comes in the morning.It seems to be that I can choose to have hope.

What do you think?

Lately I've been thinking about all of the good times I've had with God over the course of my life. I have been longing for that closeness that I once knew. Thankfully, I'm beginning to feel like we're getting closer again. I know that some of you are probably thinking that I'm trying to live on yesterday's fire, because that's what I'm thinking about with a sence of longing. In all honesty, I think that it's perfectly healthy to take the time and remember what I had with the Lord. It is comparible to a mother looking at old pictures of her grown babies, remembering how many good times she's had with them over the years. Or comparible to an estranged wife remebering how much she once loved her husband, and how much she once knew that he loved her, just longing for that closeness again. Those are good memories. However, life has proven time and time again that for reasons both good and bad, relationships are ever changing. The good news is that although difficult, change can be a surprisingly great thing. For instance, I'm never going to be my mothers little baby girl anymore, but I can be a woman and her closest friend. All of the memories that I have of good times with the Lord in the past will always be just memories, but now We are planning on creating even more, and better memories. My closeness to the Lord will never be the way it was, but We are planning on being much closer that we ever were before. When you can't see what changes are going to bring you, it is kind of scary, but when you get to the other side of change, it might even be better than ever.

I want to believe God.

Totally.

Period.

I'm so tired of self-important people telling me what God REALLY meant. I just want to take Him at His word again, I have wandered off the path and I want back on!! If that makes me a moron, so be it! If that makes me uncool; well, really I was never that cool, anyway! If it puts me out there as a weird-o, that's just the way it's going to be. I'm done with Deconstruction.

I'm ready to live the life again.

So, there.

Why not me? And why not now?

Two Thousand Five, Wow...